I think it was Woody Allen that said, "I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member", basically this means, you only want the things you can't have, and the things you do have, you're not satisfied with. I hate that this my usual ways with everything. I'm not gonna lie, I do like attention. Better yet, I crave it, but I'm not desperate to get it. If I don't get it, I'm not gonna force myself or anyone else to get it. If you give it to me, great! If not, then oh well, I'll live and move on. The thing with the attention I get is, when you stop paying attention to me, and give it to someone else, I do get jealous, but you'll never see it. I like to think of jealously as one of my best friends. I mean I didn't really meet jealously until elementary school, like first or second grade, and we would say our usual Hi, or hey, but we didn't get close until middle school. Then in middle school, we kind of dated here and there, but it was nothing serious. Jealously would show up at my door, I'd let them in with those green eyes I couldn't resist, then when jealously was done with me, left like I wouldn't hear from them again. Lately Jealously has been leaving me messages that they're gonna come back and visit, and as much as I'm trying to avoid, ignore, and disregard them, I have a feeling it's not going away. Anyways, I really need to find something to get me over jealously so that I can move on. But the attention I'm getting keeps me held down. I know none of this is making sense, but I'm just as confused as the next person.
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