I can wait minutes up to the hour, and nothing is said. You build your courage up after I leave, only to be shot down by someone else. Moments pass, but all you have is one moment to make it count. It's gone now. We're both left here to think what could have happened, what could have been said, what could have been made. I'm left with frustration, and you're left with hopelessness. To each its own.
At the end of the day, what have you done?
Did you make a difference with the world?
Finish the job that took so long to complete?
Did you say hi to that person you've been eyeing for a while?
or have you been sitting in the same spot wishing you had done something?
Are you thinking about having the last word so that you can feel a level above them?
Sulking at the thoughts that are eatting you.
Can't sleep so you find your self doing mindless tasks to forget your troubles for the time being.
You have no one but yourself to blame for not having anything done at the end of the day.
I guess we'll have to wait til tomorrow, wont we.
I had this really weird dream this morning that i was going to a friend's sister's house, and she lived by the beach. Someone took me to that house, then later I had to go back, but this time I was giving the directions and it was dark so I couldn't remember which was to go once we go to the right street. I remember we parked the car and a bunch of people were walking away from the water like they had just gotten off of carnival ride. I followed the group of people and they were circling around a few people who were dancing. I poked through the crowd and saw this one guy with kind of long girlish hair dancing. Someone dared me to tell them that they can't dance, so I did. They got mad at me, and told them it was a joke but they didn't believe me. I then went into the bathroom where they followed me. We got into an argument that later left us laughing for no reason. I didn't like this guy, but something made me attracted to him. I found myself close to his face and we started kissing. It was strange because one minute it was great and I could feel the spark between us, but then the next minute it sucked, and I would think to myself, geez this person sucks at kissing, and why am I still kissing them? But I continued and that's when someone tried to come in. I broke away from the guy to see who was coming in. It was my younger cousin trying to see what I was doing in there and with that guy. I tried to play it off, but she knew something was going on. Turns out the guy I was kissing was Justin Beiber. (just know that i'm not attracted to that kid at all, and I'm not going to jail for him either.) I tried to tell her that I was trying to convince Justin to do something nice for her, and I had to talk to him alone, but she didn't want to hear it. She was mad at me, but there's was nothing I could do to make her change her mind. Justin was still waiting for me, so I went back to him, looked him in the eyes and woke up.
It's sad when you stop being friends with someone. They or you do something that destroys a friendship, or you drift off to other places because you both have out grown each other. But what if being friends with someone is both toxic to the both of you? A few days ago I had to let go of a friend, because our relationship with each other wasn't healthy for either of us. We both wanted things that the other one didn't, so where would a person go from there? I can't blame anyone in this situation, but sometimes I wish I had a time machine to go back and time and see if I could spot the place where things started to change, and maybe I could save the friendship. But for now we must both move on and look forward to the future. We agreed that one day we will talk to each other when things in our lives have gotten better, and I'm looking forward to that and hoping for the best. As for now, I'll remember the memories we had with songs, stories, and pictures so that I still have the good things that made me like you.
p.s It's hard seeing your name pop up and not being able saying hello :(
I like to think of tv as one of my favorite teachers. I've learned so much of life's lesson's from it. One of my favorite shows to watch now is, "The secret life of the american teenager". Even though at times it can be chessy, and it annoys the crap out of me when no one can keep a secret so everyone knows everyone's business, and I do mean EVERYONE. Seriously, does your parents need to know from your best friends that the guy that knocked you up that's currently dating the school's slut, had sex with your ex boyfriend for his first time? I know I'm ranting here but it come on. After the christian girl who vowed to only have sex after marriage had sex with her bf, then the next day everyone in school knew about it, and how much she liked it. Rumors did not spread that fast at my school, but I'm going off of topic like usual. Today's episode was about mistakes and how we all make them, and lately I've been making plenty of them with one person in particular M&M. I've lead things on, knowingly I shouldn't have. But I thought, why not? It's just this once, it wont happen again. Things have gotten deeper and I felt screwed the further things got. I do think things are starting to look up now that there's a change in the situation, but I still feel that chain from them holding me back from which i'm still trying to break. Let's hope for the best.
Some people have a way of putting others in a bad mood. It bothers me when I'm minding my own business in a decent mood, then bam! Someone comes along and turns it into a bad mood. I know misery loves company, but I've over stayed my welcome with misery. I'll leave you alone, and give you space, but don't take your crappy attitude out on me when I did nothing wrong. And it would be awesome if you could keep your rude comments to yourself, k thanks.
I can honestly say that I do not like my Godparents, and at times I hate them. They're always talking about someone, or judging them in a way. They want you to agree with them that they're right about everything, and I never see them give someone a good light view. Now how they treat me is worse because I'm their goddaughter. I remember being young and going to their house a few times with my sister. Things seemed fine, but the last time I saw them was at christmas. I remember a santa there, presents and them giving me a ginger bread house. That was wonderful, but then my mom told me that the reason that was the last time I saw them before they moved to vegas was at christmas time, they told my mom not to buy any presents for me or my sister because santa would buy them. Well santa did get me 2 presents, but my little sister received none. Did santa forget to get my sister a present, or was the fact that my sister is not the goddaughter of them the reason why she didn't get a gift? Well Me being 2 years old I asked, "What about Jasmine?" Jasmine didn't get a present, but I did give her one of mine. Years later I thought that would have changed. I was no longer 2, but now 20, and things still didn't change. I'm constantly treated like a kid, criticized belittled by them in every way, guiltily because something they could have done or should have done is some how my fault. My newest situation with them involves this book I had last year from my roommate Courtney. I had the book and we were about to leave, but my godmother wanted it. I didn't want to give it to her, but i did. Now a year later I need the book, and they can't find it. So she tells me she'll pay for it if they can't find it and that was our agreement. Well now my godparents said, "We felt like you wanted to dump the book so we didn't take good care of it. I'm going to figure out how to pay for it, and return everything you gave me so it never happens again." Ok so I'll take the blame on this again, I didn't think I was going to take the class, it was a very last minute choice, and I'll just take the verbal abuse from them like always. Nothing will ever change from them, and I can't wait until I can graduate and only come back here for a few years to visit if I can.
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