Things seem to go back to the way they were with my life in middle school and parts of high school. In this I mean mean my state of mood. Depression. I have never told anyone about how depressed I was back then, just kept it to myself. I also had frequent thoughts of suicide, but I could never get myself to do it. I'm not depressed to the point where I want to do that now. I'm doing much better than that, but I am depressed. Things are falling apart, people lie, are fake, or just let me down. I have yet to find someone that I can depend on. From the early age, I knew I had to do things on my own, and only depend on myself for everything, but can I get a little helping hand? I tend to catch myself thinking, "What if I did this instead of that, or what if I stayed here, would things still play out the way they are now?" I've decided that I needed to take a break from everyone so that I can miss it. If I don't, I'm deleting everything that gave me some joy or entertainment instantly. Lately the only time I'm at peace is when I'm asleep, but I can't control what I dream about. I need this week to be over with school, friends and life, so that I can stop crying, but I wont let ever let anyone see me crying. Like I said keep my feelings to myself, and put others before me. My friend Travis showed me this song "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse, and even though it's a sad song that I can relate to, it's the only one I can listen to now without crying.
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